Watch the Birdie and Smile

Sometimes it is just down right difficult to deal with.. Its annoying, frustrating and always causes me to shut my eyes, shake my head and wonder why? Then when I am over it, I begin to try and analyze it, I think why does this happen?  But, then I realize that the act of analyzing it is nothing more that just another form of it, and it causes more head shaking,  along with me twisting my foot on the floor, much in the same manner as trying to put out a cigarette (Praise to the Lord, I don't smoke) and deep sighing, a lot of deep sighing.

Let me explain.

For years and years I have been dealing with an issue about myself, or more accurately " within myself  ."
The issue is simple, the issue is:  "Myself."  Now, I would like to explain this explaining about me trying to handle this issue.
First of all, I don't believe that this is an issue of things like, "me first", or being "selfish", or "not willing to help  out others," "being stingy," or "not caring about others" and things along this line. But, then again who knows?  What I am concerned about here, is the "DISTRACTION"  that takes place during my prayer time. Yes! During my time talking to God, I have this tendency to let my brain wander off into thoughts about myself.  Here I am in the act of prayer and I begin to think about;  well you name it. It could be about breakfast, fishing, friends, music just about anything, and it is frustrating. There have even been times that I have gone on one of these "brain safaris'" during worship! ( Deep sigh ).

When it happens, whether I am in prayer or attending worship, I try to stop cold in my tracks, make my best effort to shut out all that is around me, I then begin to change my prayer to asking the Holy Spirit to help me, to FOCUS on what is right and proper at this moment, to lead me into a holy time of prayer. It works! I always come out of  it, but, I am bothered by the time of duration it sometimes takes and just the fact that it does happen!  I try real hard to "take myself out of the picture, and not look at the birdie and smile," I don't need to see a picture of me. This needs to stop !!!!!
When am I going to get a handle on this distraction to prayer and worship?

Well,  guess what?
No, I insist, take a guess. C'mon.

I have gotten over it,  Yeah, I'm not kidding. Oh, I know there are still "battles to be fought" with this issue. But, the "ticket office" for the "brain safaris" has closed up shop!

In fact it closed up about 2 or 3 weeks ago in regards to worship and it closed up Saturday night in regards to being distracted during prayer.

How?
The prayer answer: a prayer rope.
The  worship answer:  Icons

Icons first :
I have noticed that since I started attending this Orthodox church, I can draw strength from the presence of the Holy Icons about me. Now to some of you who don't attend an Orthodox church, you might find this strange, sorry, but I don't have an explanation, nor, am I seeking one. It just takes place.
I first noticed it during the Sunday of the Myrrh-bearing Women, when the Gospel account of these women was read in the Liturgy, I noticed that the church had an icon of this event on one of the side walls. My eyes went immediately right over to it, and I felt an experience, a true heavenly comfort, as my insides rejoiced, it was, as if, I was hearing about this for the first time ever. How beautiful. How powerful. How thankful I am.
Since that time I have been able to worship in church at a level I never knew before. The icons help me.
No longer do I see a "picture of me" rather I am led to Christ through the icons. Alleluia!

Prayer:
At Vespers on Saturday night, Fr Ken was in the narthex greeting people. I went over to him  and mentioned how I have missed seeing him for the last 2 weeks at Vespers. He explained about how he is busy at his parish now, but that he will try to be here when possible. Fr. Ken then said he had something for me. He handed me a prayer rope. "I gave one to the other Jim, and I want to give you one to help you on your journey." he said. I felt truly blessed, and was almost at a loss for words ( a rarity ) by this beautiful gift. I thanked him, but I don't think he realized how much he blessed me. I didn't want to get real mushy right then, so I placed the prayer rope into my shirt pocket. Father Ken, thank you again, bless you. I remember Jim V. posting about Fr. Ken giving him a prayer and as soon as I got home, I sought out all the info I could find about prayer ropes, how to use them, prayers, history of the ropes, etc.
That night I read the evening prayers that are in the back of my Orthodox Study Bible, I prayed about the things going on in my life and in intercession for others, then I took hold of the prayer rope and prayed the Jesus Prayer at every knot on the rope. Whoa! I was consumed! No distractions, clear purpose of thought.
The prayer rope is now fulfilling its purpose and design in my prayer time. What a true gift!!
It has helped me to stay focused on and in my prayers even when I am not using it to count prayers. I just hold it in my left hand and pray, whether the prayers are from a prayer book or not.

I am aware that there might come a time down the road, when all these "new things" will become commonplace and I might lose some of the impact that they are now making on me. I will try to stay on guard against.

Someday, perhaps?

But not today!