" Him Who Wore Gray, Now Wearing Black, A Divine Appointment"

He is wearing black now. When I first saw him he was wearing gray. Doesn't really matter to me what color he wears, as his gentleness and kindness would show up nicely against any color.

I believe in Divine Appointments, I think everyone should. I have received too many blessings not to believe in them. I have heard it said that, "There are no coincidences! It's just God acting anonymous!".  Now some people may believe in that statement, and in their life that phrase may have merit.

But not in my life.

Oh, now I am not trying to elevate myself above anyone or anything. People are of course free to think and say anything they want. But, as for me, I don't think God is ever acting "anonymous", I feel it is "us" who never make the connection or come to the realization that God is always "active and visible" in our lives.
There have been many instances in my life that bear out the truth of His visibility, but for now I'll just talk about one of His most recent showings.

There is a "Coffee Hour" after the Divine Liturgy on Sundays at church. Now this may be done at your church or it may be not. Hopefully it is and prayerfully you are attending church on Sunday! At the Coffee Hour I have been blessed to find myself sitting next to, "him who wore gray, now wearing black" (almost sounds like a traditional Native American name, when put like that) over the last few weeks. Being the infant that I am in Orthodoxy, I have need of someone who can show me about Orthodoxy and not just "tell" me about Orthodoxy. This gentleman is doing just that and I bet he is not even aware of it, which is why I find it so wonderful.

At the Coffee Hour, he and I talk about God, and the Orthodox Church, and all that is included in such. Now, it is not so much "what" he tells me, as it is, "how" he tells me. There is a "joy" in his voice, and a "brightness" in his countenance.
If there is one true sign that our conversations are interesting and fun, it is that before you know it, an hour has gone by and the "clean up team" is busy at work and the Coffee Hour has come to end, and sadly you feel it is time to leave. But perhaps it is just as well, this way, I don't go on "brain - overload" and forget many of the details of our conversations. That would be a shame and I would be a poorer man because of it.

The look of  a  rich  man

However, right now and in the days to come, I can say with total confidence, that not because of my abilities, but because of God, and the Divine Appointments He has created in my life recently, they being:  using my friend Jim V. to direct me to this church in Brick, N.J., my daughter Tiffany attending her 2nd Vespers Service (2 weeks in a row) alongside me, Father Gary and all who are part of this new church family that have welcomed me, and meeting and talking and being shown Orthodoxy by " him who wore gray, now wearing black, a.k.a. Reader John,"  that I am indeed one of the richest men around. Amen!!! 


Keep your eyes and your heart at the ready, His Divine Appointments are everywhere!

Vespers at Tiffany's

"Moon River, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in.........."

You know the song.

Well, this past Saturday at Vespers, as I was sitting there, before the service began, in my usual "pre-service meditative" state,  I heard something.

I heard a voice.

A loud and clear voice.

For a moment, as I tried to shake my thoughts from "speaking in prayer" to "hearing the voice", I felt transported, taken away from my surroundings, for a very brief moment it seemed that I didn't know where I was.

The voice was that loud and clear,  it was also puzzling.

I recognized the voice, I have heard this voice, many, many times before. YES! This voice was known to me!

But why was the voice saying, " Sir!,  Sir ?"

The voice was coming from behind me at first, but now it had journeyed right up to me, right next to my right shoulder, right up to the side of the very chair that I was sitting upon. I turned quickly to confront this voice, and there a vision appeared!

A beautiful vision, an adoring vision, a very familiar vision!!!!!

It was my daughter Tiffany.  She thought she would surprise me for Father's Day and join me that evening at Vespers. What a blessing!

I don't know if she was able to tell, but there were a few "Joyful Daddy Tears" in this guy's eyes.
We were able to talk in our best whisper voices before the service began.  When the service began I felt so grateful to have her with me. What a wonderful surprise.

It seems that Jim V. (the sneak) was in on it, that Tiffany would be coming. He never let on about it though, but that's OK, I'll figure out some way to "repay" him. Just before the service started, "The Legendary Tammy" came down the aisle of the nave quickly, she said, "I met your daughter in the parking lot, and I am sorry to interrupt you, but I just wanted to see the look on your face!" I can't blame her, I must have been quite a sight, with my eyes "sweating" !

After service, I had the great joy of introducing Tiffany to some of my new church family. Father Ken, Cathy, Mary, Reader John and Father Gary. They made her feel welcomed and comfortable. You know a father can tell those things about his children. As I was standing there "beaming", Tiffany turned to me and said, " I like it here!"   "Yes, so do I"   I replied, " so do I "

Tiffany's visit gave me a taste of what our Heavenly Father must feel, when His children show Him their love and honor Him. Thank you Father God for your goodness to us.

I know the proper title for this post would have been " Vespers With Tiffany ", but I couldn't find a title for this blog that worked better than a play on the movie title "Breakfast at Tiffany's". So I used it, please forgive me.

"My huckleberry friends............."

We called Woolworth's the 5 & 10

"A toast to my big brother George: The richest man in town", exclaims Harry Bailey.


A grand sentiment indeed proclaimed by the younger of the Bailey brothers in Frank Capra's classic film, "It's a Wonderful Life". Truly a man is rich who has true friends.


This week's blog is a "Friends and Rich Theme", well actually its more than just a theme about friends and being rich, its about "actual" true friends and becoming rich.


Let's begin with the "friends" portion, shall we?


First of all, I am amazed that I am even sharing this story, with all of you who have been following this blog., let alone with those of you who may have stumbled upon this blog for the first time. But, there is a position of safety here, as I sit at a keyboard and punch out these lines ( if you have ever seen me type, you would agree with my descriptive use of the word: punch!) so, "punch" I will and share this witness. 
It would not be over-reaching to say that I have had difficulty with people who filled the "Friend" slot in my life. Mostly due to the fact that friends have always been so fleeting. Over the years, I have come to accept the fact, that, people will come and go in my life. Perhaps that is why I always smile when hear Johnny Cash sing the line,   " Everyone I know, goes away in the end." in the song "Hurt". I smile because, in my life, it has been true. I find that friend making is not an easy task, and finding a "true friend", is even harder, if not near impossible.


I'll spare you, the reader, the many, many details of my life up until now, suffice it to say that childhood friendships have long been covered over by the blanket of time, and that adult friendships also lie dormant beneath that same covering. 


Now, please, don't let me give any of you the impression of my life's situation. I have been very happily married to  Judy for over 36 years. I have 2 wonderful grown children that I love totally and am extremely proud of, and have been blessed in so many wonderful ways.  But friends?


Okay, enough of history.  Here is what I have to say.


This Sunday I returned to the services (Vespers and Divine Liturgy) at the Orthodox Church, after a 1 week, hiatus due to attending a Men's Retreat the previous weekend. ( see last week's blog ). The church is in the middle of its Phase 2 portion of its Iconography project. I had arrived early (some things are constant) and had time to look over the new icons that have been added. Now, remember I am new to Orthodoxy so every little thing that comes into my line of sight is taken in and thought about. There was something going on inside of me as I looked at the icons, old and new, that until just a few moments ago, I had not been able to describe. I am not kidding here, this just came to me as I "punched" in the above sentence that started, "This Sunday I returned........" this is as fresh as I can write it.


Here it is: I sensed that the Saints I was looking at were "True Friends".


Now I hope I am not out - of -line here, or I am offending anyone, but that's the sense, that I now know that I was feeling! Wow! The hair on my arms is standing up! Whew! 


"True Friends!!!" ....... Friends that haven't left, friends that are interceding for me when asked, friends that know how to be friends!!!


Now it doesn't end here, you see my idea for this blog was to write about how wonderful the people at this Orthodox Church were to me on Sunday, because so many greeted me and said, "Welcome Back!, we missed you last week, glad to see you today!"


This now explains to me, why just a little bit into the Divine Liturgy on Sunday I started to weep a bit, oh! I did my best to hide it (call it a guy thing). I think it was because of the "love" in the church. Not only the wonderful love of God and His presence, but the love from the friends contained in the icons of the Saints and the love demonstrated by my  brothers and sisters with skin on.


Okay let's jump ahead to Wednesday, shall we?


On Wednesday I had an "out of the blue" meeting with a gentleman named Bob, that I have known for about the last 3 years to discuss becoming a part of his "Refrigeration and Air Conditioning Business". I have been out of work for the last 2 years, so this was "big".  The thing is, this guy and I had talked about getting together in this business and we had even developed a business plan about 10 months ago, but, things fell apart, and we had very, very little contact since then. Bob explained his ideas about the business and said that he wanted me to come back in and pick up where we left off and put the plan into action. He said, "Now, you don't have to give me answer now, I just want you to think about and let me know!"


I smiled and said, " Bob, I don't have to think about it. You see I have been in prayer about it for the last few months, and was about to approach you this very day to discuss it with you". We shook hands and I joined the business.


Bob, smiled.
I, smiled.


I told my wife Judy about the meeting and the result.
Judy, smiled.


I believe, that my "True Friends", were smiling also.


Here is the "rich" portion of the story. 
Its great to be back working, but, it's having found people that "miss you" and treat you as friend with love in their hearts, along with the friends in heaven, that I just realized that I have, that make me rich.

We called Woolworth's the "5 & 10", Bob and I

By the way, Bob and I grew up in the same town in Staten Island. We know many of the same people and share a bunch of the same memories of places and events.

Three years ago when we met and discovered that fact, I had I feeling it wasn't an accident.
Bob is a true friend also, guess I knew that about 3 years ago, (sometimes it takes me a while)


God's timing is always perfect.


"George Bailey, you ain't got nothing on me, bro!"

Signed, Epstein's Mother

"Hey, Mr. Kotter, I got a note!"  Juan Luis Pedro Philippo DeHuevos Epstein would say to his teacher in trying to explain his absence from class. While I don't have a note, I do have a reason as to why I did not attend any of the Orthodox Services this last weekend.


This weekend beginning Friday morning I left home to attend the annual Men's Retreat of the church that I am a member of, The Church of Grace and Peace (GAP) in  Toms River, N.J.. As is the custom for a bunch of the men who are " motorcycle enthusiasts" we hook up and head off to the  event on two wheelers. This year, as last year,  the Retreat was held at Eddy Farm in N.Y. State, which is located right on the Delaware River.  Eddy Farm is a Christian Retreat and Conference Center. 


Eddy Farm's history stretches back over 100 years to the boom days of the Delaware River. Through the 1800s, Eddy Farm was famous as an overnight stopping place for raftsmen traveling the Delaware to Philadelphia. The river's quiet eddy, known then as Patterson's Eddy, provided easy mooring for the large timber rafts. Soon after the Civil War, the Patterson family began to host summer boarders from New York City, and by the turn of the 20th century, Patterson's Farm had become famous as the Eddy Farm Hotel. Now Eddy Farm offers itself as a quiet retreat and a place to hold meetings and such for church groups and individuals as well.


I was interested to see what my thoughts, emotions and overall perspective would be at this retreat. Just a short while ago I was a member of the GAP Men's Ministry Team that had planned this event, but since then I had stepped down from the team, as I did also from all the ministry positions that I served in at GAP, when I felt the need to explore Orthodoxy. I could have stayed "on board" in these positions, while I was exploring, but I just don't do things this way. I feel that if I cannot serve with a heartfelt total commitment then I should do the right thing, as I see it and step aside. 


At the retreat I was approached by several of the guys who said that they heard I was leaving GAP, as I have made no secret of the fact that I was "looking into the Orthodox Church"  and that they were going to miss me. I would smile, and inform them that the "final decision" has not been made as of yet, and would not be until I had a chance to talk with Father Gary at the Orthodox Church. Just about every guy would ask me about the Orthodox Church as most of them had absolutely no idea of the Orthodox Church and wondered why I, someone who was involved in some high profile ministry at GAP, was doing such a thing. My answer was always given with this statement to the questioner first, " I can't give you a "sound bite" 2 minute answer to something that I have spent about the last 5 years seeking out." 


I had made a decision a month or so ago, that I was not going to debate Orthodoxy, or try to convince anyone about a right or wrong church, that would be counter-productive to all. I would just answer when asked, what ever question they posed to me with the best of my ability and with the up-most honesty. I would say after my "can't give you a sound bite answer" statement, that I was never "comfortable" in the "Charismatic Worship and Style" of GAP, and that I felt the need to look elsewhere.


Needless, perhaps, to say,  most of my answers were followed with looks skepticism on the faces of the questioners. After all for the most part, just about no one wants to hear anything "different" other than what they believe, and I have to say that many of the guys I talked to think that the things I said about the Orthodox Church and its history, liturgical worship, etc. didn't matter, and can't see why I am considering Orthodoxy. I do acknowledge that some of these guys are truly concerned for me, and don't want me to make a mistake, and for that I am grateful to each and everyone of them.


I am happy to say that their opinions about what I am doing did not matter at all to me, cold, as that may sound.


Most of the men, not all, but most, have very little insight or education in the history of the Christian Church, in fact some of them might believe that Saint Paul used and preached from the King James Bible!
After all, we are talking about die-hard believers in "sola scriptura" and they believe that the "church" has no role or authority, let alone that the canon came from the "church". But so be it, sad as it seems to me, I am not on a mission to convince anyone or start any sort of division. This is a journey that I am on and I am not trying to put God "in a box".


So, let me state what I experienced this weekend, spiritually.


Almost nothing from the Retreat Services.


I say, I got "almost nothing" from the Retreat Services, but, something might have creeped in, but it would be hard to say what, but something might have, I just don't feel or am I aware of anything at this moment.


However, I was able to spend quite a bit of time sitting alongside the Delaware River reading from the Orthodox Study Bible and also reading the Philokalia in my room, and was blessed in doing so. I also spent time in some wonderful one-on-one conversations with a couple of the guys about the world and things about us, this was a real joy.

Perhaps, the greatest thing that I can say I came away with from the events of this weekend, was "closure" from the Church of Grace and Peace, the charismatic style, the Protestant view of the Church, etc. I feel I did get "closure" from all of this, which is important.

Now, I need to continue to seek what God would have me do.


"Dear Mr. Kotter, 
Please excuse Juan (Jim) from the Church of  Grace and Peace.
He needs to have a  meeting with Father Gary. 


(signed) Epstein's Mother"