Love "Cross"-ed My Mind

There are some very special things that we get to see in our lifetimes. Children being born, friends doing well, relationships that prosper and love. Yes, we do get to see love.
I am familiar with at least 3 Greek words that give us 3 different expressions of love.
"Philos" or "Philia" the concept of love for friends.
"Eros", an intimate love, romantic, longing, desire.
"Agape", unconditional love, we apply this term to the love that God has for us.

I suppose that there all sorts of "hybrids" that can come out of the 3, but then again what do I know?

I do know, ( for the most part anyway) that, which I see.

Sunday last I got to see my first Orthodox "Bishop" Service. I don't know if that is the right thing to call it, but it works for me. Bishop Michael led the Divine Liturgy at church and I was there.

Bishop Michael was there also to present Father Gary with the honor of the Jeweled Cross.
Bishop Michael told a very short story of how many years ago Father Gary was presented with several crosses to choose from by another priest. "Father Gary chose the simplest cross," he said. I saw and heard Bishop Michael choke up just a bit, when he said that. Fact is, so did I. And I saw love.

I happened to look over at Father Gary's wife, Mary, at just about that same time and she was beaming and teary eyed and looked just so proud of her husband. I saw love, again.

Later I came to find out, during a conversation with Father Gary at, are you ready for this?
The "Agape Coffee Hour"  that the Jeweled Cross that was presented to Father Gary belonged to Mary's father who was a priest also. Love seen, once again.

That evening, at home, I walked into the bedroom.and  I came to an abrupt stop!!!

There on my night stand,
was the hand carved wooden Orthodox Cross,
that my daughter Tiffany had given me,
a month or so ago, yep, once again.

I saw love.

Come to think of it, isn't that what we all should be seeing when we look at the cross?

"This Is For You Harley Guy!"

Took a little time off from this blog to kind of reflect on my journey so far. Several wonderful things have been taking place. My daughter Tiffany is really embracing the Orthodox Christian faith and absolutely adores the church that we have been attending. Just this Sunday past, she attended her first Divine Liturgy. It is really awesome to have her sitting/standing next to me at church and the talks we have about Orthodoxy are just plain old wonderful. She now has created her own blog about Orthodoxy as well. It can be found at: http://1000questionstoorthodoxy.blogspot.com/ please be sure to check it out.

I have been making many new friends and I am just overwhelmed by how gracious my new church family is. I love the diversity of the ethnic cultures represented. I am starting to learn things about Russia and Greece and other countries that I never knew.

Spiritually I feel that I am on the right track. As I have stated before, I feel a total release from my former church and the Evangelical/Charismatic doctrines and style of worship. I feel very secure along with a sense of wonder (best phrase I could come up with besides "fullness", which I wrote about before) here in the Orthodox Church. This Sunday the church is having it's "Ethnic Fair and Gift Auction" and I will be working at some of the venues. This really makes me feel accepted and I pray that I will do well and not mess anything up!

Another wonderful thing that took place happened about 3 weeks ago. You all know my story about the
 " Harley Girl " ( http://7daystillnow.blogspot.com/2012_05_01_archive.html ) well, on this particular Sunday morning I arrived at the church as usual on my motorcycle and there standing outside was my Harley Girl. She comes dashing across the parking lot waving her arms and shouting to me, " You can't go inside yet, You have to stay here, Billy (that's her Husband) told me not to let you go in!" "Oh, boy now what's up?" I said to myself.  "Billy told me not to let you go inside the church until he gets here!" she said.

She then yells out   "BILLY! HE"S HERE!!!"

Now I am not sure what the medical/anatomical connection is between a human being's ears and eyes, but the decibel level that came out of that girl's throat caused me not only some temporary hearing loss, but short term blindness as well!

So as I am squinting and looking at various colors of spots before my eyes I somehow pick up the image of a man with something clutched in his right hand, pointed directly at me. And, he is coming at full speed towards me. My "self-preservation mode" is just about to kick in, when, my eyes clear and my hearing returns and I see Billy "thrust" his right hand at me and says, " This is for you Harley Guy!"

As I rode home that day, after the Divine Liturgy and some wonderful conversation at the Agape Coffee Hour at the church, I had a "hank-er-ing" for another cup of coffee. So I pulled into a Wawa store (Wawa is a chain convenience store in our area here in N.J., you know the kind,  a gas station and food shop). Now usually I hang around the store where my bike is parked and drink my coffee, as it is a bit difficult to ride a bike with one hand. But that day, it became a bit easier. As I left the Wawa, I must have been quite the sight, riding down the road,  with a stupid smile on my face. I get that smile every time I look down at my chrome cup holder and see the awesome "Stainless Steel Harley Davidson Travel Coffee Mug" that Billy and the Harley Girl gave me that Sunday morning at church.

So, as I take a sip out my new mug, just let me say, "Billy and Linda (Harley Girl) this one's for you!"
Thanks and God Bless you both!!

P.S. When Billy gave me the mug he said, "I noticed you had a cup holder on your Harley, but I didn't see no cup, now you got one!

"Wherever I End Up, I Guess..."

Man in car: "Taking a trip?" 

Bronson: "What's that?"
Man in car: "Taking a trip?" 

Bronson: "Yeah."
Man in car: "Where to?" 

Bronson: "Oh, I don't know. Wherever I end up, I guess." 

Man in car: "Man, I wish I was you." 

Bronson: "Well, hang in there."

The light turns green at the intersection of Lombard St. and Van Ness Ave., in San Francisco and Jim Bronson opens the throttle on his 1968 Harley Davidson Sportster and rides off to find, what is out there on the long lonesome highway, while Randall Justaman, the guy in the car goes about his normal daily routine.

Now most of us know that it is the exploits of Bronson that people want to hear about. The carefree spirit out on the road, no schedules to follow, nobody to please, but himself. If he wants to have an ice cream cone for breakfast and wash it down with a Yoo-Hoo followed by a Twinkie, so be it! 

Yet, we are more like Randy Justaman are we not? Routines, commitments, the daily grind and I am not talking about coffee!

Funny thing, is, as I write this, I can't help but think, that somehow a big bunch of us seem to think that there is something wrong with "routine!"

"It's Boring!"

"Un-inspiring!"

"Dull, dull, dull"

"Hey Jim! How's it going?"  "Oh, same old, same old." Tell me that's not a familiar question and response (well except for the name Jim if you happen to have a different handle)

"Another day, another dollar!"   " Same story, different day!"   " Off to the salt mines!"  blah, blah, woof! woof!

But.......

There is a "grace" that comes through when you are practicing the "right routines". That's what I am finding now.

I never felt it before, but I do now.

Like Bronson, I started this "trip" with the destination being "wherever I end up, I guess."

But I am finding that the "right routines " lead a person to the "right destination and a right relationship with God's Church and ultimately  with God." I am finding all of this in Orthodoxy.

Bless the Lord.

" Him Who Wore Gray, Now Wearing Black, A Divine Appointment"

He is wearing black now. When I first saw him he was wearing gray. Doesn't really matter to me what color he wears, as his gentleness and kindness would show up nicely against any color.

I believe in Divine Appointments, I think everyone should. I have received too many blessings not to believe in them. I have heard it said that, "There are no coincidences! It's just God acting anonymous!".  Now some people may believe in that statement, and in their life that phrase may have merit.

But not in my life.

Oh, now I am not trying to elevate myself above anyone or anything. People are of course free to think and say anything they want. But, as for me, I don't think God is ever acting "anonymous", I feel it is "us" who never make the connection or come to the realization that God is always "active and visible" in our lives.
There have been many instances in my life that bear out the truth of His visibility, but for now I'll just talk about one of His most recent showings.

There is a "Coffee Hour" after the Divine Liturgy on Sundays at church. Now this may be done at your church or it may be not. Hopefully it is and prayerfully you are attending church on Sunday! At the Coffee Hour I have been blessed to find myself sitting next to, "him who wore gray, now wearing black" (almost sounds like a traditional Native American name, when put like that) over the last few weeks. Being the infant that I am in Orthodoxy, I have need of someone who can show me about Orthodoxy and not just "tell" me about Orthodoxy. This gentleman is doing just that and I bet he is not even aware of it, which is why I find it so wonderful.

At the Coffee Hour, he and I talk about God, and the Orthodox Church, and all that is included in such. Now, it is not so much "what" he tells me, as it is, "how" he tells me. There is a "joy" in his voice, and a "brightness" in his countenance.
If there is one true sign that our conversations are interesting and fun, it is that before you know it, an hour has gone by and the "clean up team" is busy at work and the Coffee Hour has come to end, and sadly you feel it is time to leave. But perhaps it is just as well, this way, I don't go on "brain - overload" and forget many of the details of our conversations. That would be a shame and I would be a poorer man because of it.

The look of  a  rich  man

However, right now and in the days to come, I can say with total confidence, that not because of my abilities, but because of God, and the Divine Appointments He has created in my life recently, they being:  using my friend Jim V. to direct me to this church in Brick, N.J., my daughter Tiffany attending her 2nd Vespers Service (2 weeks in a row) alongside me, Father Gary and all who are part of this new church family that have welcomed me, and meeting and talking and being shown Orthodoxy by " him who wore gray, now wearing black, a.k.a. Reader John,"  that I am indeed one of the richest men around. Amen!!! 


Keep your eyes and your heart at the ready, His Divine Appointments are everywhere!

Vespers at Tiffany's

"Moon River, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in.........."

You know the song.

Well, this past Saturday at Vespers, as I was sitting there, before the service began, in my usual "pre-service meditative" state,  I heard something.

I heard a voice.

A loud and clear voice.

For a moment, as I tried to shake my thoughts from "speaking in prayer" to "hearing the voice", I felt transported, taken away from my surroundings, for a very brief moment it seemed that I didn't know where I was.

The voice was that loud and clear,  it was also puzzling.

I recognized the voice, I have heard this voice, many, many times before. YES! This voice was known to me!

But why was the voice saying, " Sir!,  Sir ?"

The voice was coming from behind me at first, but now it had journeyed right up to me, right next to my right shoulder, right up to the side of the very chair that I was sitting upon. I turned quickly to confront this voice, and there a vision appeared!

A beautiful vision, an adoring vision, a very familiar vision!!!!!

It was my daughter Tiffany.  She thought she would surprise me for Father's Day and join me that evening at Vespers. What a blessing!

I don't know if she was able to tell, but there were a few "Joyful Daddy Tears" in this guy's eyes.
We were able to talk in our best whisper voices before the service began.  When the service began I felt so grateful to have her with me. What a wonderful surprise.

It seems that Jim V. (the sneak) was in on it, that Tiffany would be coming. He never let on about it though, but that's OK, I'll figure out some way to "repay" him. Just before the service started, "The Legendary Tammy" came down the aisle of the nave quickly, she said, "I met your daughter in the parking lot, and I am sorry to interrupt you, but I just wanted to see the look on your face!" I can't blame her, I must have been quite a sight, with my eyes "sweating" !

After service, I had the great joy of introducing Tiffany to some of my new church family. Father Ken, Cathy, Mary, Reader John and Father Gary. They made her feel welcomed and comfortable. You know a father can tell those things about his children. As I was standing there "beaming", Tiffany turned to me and said, " I like it here!"   "Yes, so do I"   I replied, " so do I "

Tiffany's visit gave me a taste of what our Heavenly Father must feel, when His children show Him their love and honor Him. Thank you Father God for your goodness to us.

I know the proper title for this post would have been " Vespers With Tiffany ", but I couldn't find a title for this blog that worked better than a play on the movie title "Breakfast at Tiffany's". So I used it, please forgive me.

"My huckleberry friends............."

We called Woolworth's the 5 & 10

"A toast to my big brother George: The richest man in town", exclaims Harry Bailey.


A grand sentiment indeed proclaimed by the younger of the Bailey brothers in Frank Capra's classic film, "It's a Wonderful Life". Truly a man is rich who has true friends.


This week's blog is a "Friends and Rich Theme", well actually its more than just a theme about friends and being rich, its about "actual" true friends and becoming rich.


Let's begin with the "friends" portion, shall we?


First of all, I am amazed that I am even sharing this story, with all of you who have been following this blog., let alone with those of you who may have stumbled upon this blog for the first time. But, there is a position of safety here, as I sit at a keyboard and punch out these lines ( if you have ever seen me type, you would agree with my descriptive use of the word: punch!) so, "punch" I will and share this witness. 
It would not be over-reaching to say that I have had difficulty with people who filled the "Friend" slot in my life. Mostly due to the fact that friends have always been so fleeting. Over the years, I have come to accept the fact, that, people will come and go in my life. Perhaps that is why I always smile when hear Johnny Cash sing the line,   " Everyone I know, goes away in the end." in the song "Hurt". I smile because, in my life, it has been true. I find that friend making is not an easy task, and finding a "true friend", is even harder, if not near impossible.


I'll spare you, the reader, the many, many details of my life up until now, suffice it to say that childhood friendships have long been covered over by the blanket of time, and that adult friendships also lie dormant beneath that same covering. 


Now, please, don't let me give any of you the impression of my life's situation. I have been very happily married to  Judy for over 36 years. I have 2 wonderful grown children that I love totally and am extremely proud of, and have been blessed in so many wonderful ways.  But friends?


Okay, enough of history.  Here is what I have to say.


This Sunday I returned to the services (Vespers and Divine Liturgy) at the Orthodox Church, after a 1 week, hiatus due to attending a Men's Retreat the previous weekend. ( see last week's blog ). The church is in the middle of its Phase 2 portion of its Iconography project. I had arrived early (some things are constant) and had time to look over the new icons that have been added. Now, remember I am new to Orthodoxy so every little thing that comes into my line of sight is taken in and thought about. There was something going on inside of me as I looked at the icons, old and new, that until just a few moments ago, I had not been able to describe. I am not kidding here, this just came to me as I "punched" in the above sentence that started, "This Sunday I returned........" this is as fresh as I can write it.


Here it is: I sensed that the Saints I was looking at were "True Friends".


Now I hope I am not out - of -line here, or I am offending anyone, but that's the sense, that I now know that I was feeling! Wow! The hair on my arms is standing up! Whew! 


"True Friends!!!" ....... Friends that haven't left, friends that are interceding for me when asked, friends that know how to be friends!!!


Now it doesn't end here, you see my idea for this blog was to write about how wonderful the people at this Orthodox Church were to me on Sunday, because so many greeted me and said, "Welcome Back!, we missed you last week, glad to see you today!"


This now explains to me, why just a little bit into the Divine Liturgy on Sunday I started to weep a bit, oh! I did my best to hide it (call it a guy thing). I think it was because of the "love" in the church. Not only the wonderful love of God and His presence, but the love from the friends contained in the icons of the Saints and the love demonstrated by my  brothers and sisters with skin on.


Okay let's jump ahead to Wednesday, shall we?


On Wednesday I had an "out of the blue" meeting with a gentleman named Bob, that I have known for about the last 3 years to discuss becoming a part of his "Refrigeration and Air Conditioning Business". I have been out of work for the last 2 years, so this was "big".  The thing is, this guy and I had talked about getting together in this business and we had even developed a business plan about 10 months ago, but, things fell apart, and we had very, very little contact since then. Bob explained his ideas about the business and said that he wanted me to come back in and pick up where we left off and put the plan into action. He said, "Now, you don't have to give me answer now, I just want you to think about and let me know!"


I smiled and said, " Bob, I don't have to think about it. You see I have been in prayer about it for the last few months, and was about to approach you this very day to discuss it with you". We shook hands and I joined the business.


Bob, smiled.
I, smiled.


I told my wife Judy about the meeting and the result.
Judy, smiled.


I believe, that my "True Friends", were smiling also.


Here is the "rich" portion of the story. 
Its great to be back working, but, it's having found people that "miss you" and treat you as friend with love in their hearts, along with the friends in heaven, that I just realized that I have, that make me rich.

We called Woolworth's the "5 & 10", Bob and I

By the way, Bob and I grew up in the same town in Staten Island. We know many of the same people and share a bunch of the same memories of places and events.

Three years ago when we met and discovered that fact, I had I feeling it wasn't an accident.
Bob is a true friend also, guess I knew that about 3 years ago, (sometimes it takes me a while)


God's timing is always perfect.


"George Bailey, you ain't got nothing on me, bro!"

Signed, Epstein's Mother

"Hey, Mr. Kotter, I got a note!"  Juan Luis Pedro Philippo DeHuevos Epstein would say to his teacher in trying to explain his absence from class. While I don't have a note, I do have a reason as to why I did not attend any of the Orthodox Services this last weekend.


This weekend beginning Friday morning I left home to attend the annual Men's Retreat of the church that I am a member of, The Church of Grace and Peace (GAP) in  Toms River, N.J.. As is the custom for a bunch of the men who are " motorcycle enthusiasts" we hook up and head off to the  event on two wheelers. This year, as last year,  the Retreat was held at Eddy Farm in N.Y. State, which is located right on the Delaware River.  Eddy Farm is a Christian Retreat and Conference Center. 


Eddy Farm's history stretches back over 100 years to the boom days of the Delaware River. Through the 1800s, Eddy Farm was famous as an overnight stopping place for raftsmen traveling the Delaware to Philadelphia. The river's quiet eddy, known then as Patterson's Eddy, provided easy mooring for the large timber rafts. Soon after the Civil War, the Patterson family began to host summer boarders from New York City, and by the turn of the 20th century, Patterson's Farm had become famous as the Eddy Farm Hotel. Now Eddy Farm offers itself as a quiet retreat and a place to hold meetings and such for church groups and individuals as well.


I was interested to see what my thoughts, emotions and overall perspective would be at this retreat. Just a short while ago I was a member of the GAP Men's Ministry Team that had planned this event, but since then I had stepped down from the team, as I did also from all the ministry positions that I served in at GAP, when I felt the need to explore Orthodoxy. I could have stayed "on board" in these positions, while I was exploring, but I just don't do things this way. I feel that if I cannot serve with a heartfelt total commitment then I should do the right thing, as I see it and step aside. 


At the retreat I was approached by several of the guys who said that they heard I was leaving GAP, as I have made no secret of the fact that I was "looking into the Orthodox Church"  and that they were going to miss me. I would smile, and inform them that the "final decision" has not been made as of yet, and would not be until I had a chance to talk with Father Gary at the Orthodox Church. Just about every guy would ask me about the Orthodox Church as most of them had absolutely no idea of the Orthodox Church and wondered why I, someone who was involved in some high profile ministry at GAP, was doing such a thing. My answer was always given with this statement to the questioner first, " I can't give you a "sound bite" 2 minute answer to something that I have spent about the last 5 years seeking out." 


I had made a decision a month or so ago, that I was not going to debate Orthodoxy, or try to convince anyone about a right or wrong church, that would be counter-productive to all. I would just answer when asked, what ever question they posed to me with the best of my ability and with the up-most honesty. I would say after my "can't give you a sound bite answer" statement, that I was never "comfortable" in the "Charismatic Worship and Style" of GAP, and that I felt the need to look elsewhere.


Needless, perhaps, to say,  most of my answers were followed with looks skepticism on the faces of the questioners. After all for the most part, just about no one wants to hear anything "different" other than what they believe, and I have to say that many of the guys I talked to think that the things I said about the Orthodox Church and its history, liturgical worship, etc. didn't matter, and can't see why I am considering Orthodoxy. I do acknowledge that some of these guys are truly concerned for me, and don't want me to make a mistake, and for that I am grateful to each and everyone of them.


I am happy to say that their opinions about what I am doing did not matter at all to me, cold, as that may sound.


Most of the men, not all, but most, have very little insight or education in the history of the Christian Church, in fact some of them might believe that Saint Paul used and preached from the King James Bible!
After all, we are talking about die-hard believers in "sola scriptura" and they believe that the "church" has no role or authority, let alone that the canon came from the "church". But so be it, sad as it seems to me, I am not on a mission to convince anyone or start any sort of division. This is a journey that I am on and I am not trying to put God "in a box".


So, let me state what I experienced this weekend, spiritually.


Almost nothing from the Retreat Services.


I say, I got "almost nothing" from the Retreat Services, but, something might have creeped in, but it would be hard to say what, but something might have, I just don't feel or am I aware of anything at this moment.


However, I was able to spend quite a bit of time sitting alongside the Delaware River reading from the Orthodox Study Bible and also reading the Philokalia in my room, and was blessed in doing so. I also spent time in some wonderful one-on-one conversations with a couple of the guys about the world and things about us, this was a real joy.

Perhaps, the greatest thing that I can say I came away with from the events of this weekend, was "closure" from the Church of Grace and Peace, the charismatic style, the Protestant view of the Church, etc. I feel I did get "closure" from all of this, which is important.

Now, I need to continue to seek what God would have me do.


"Dear Mr. Kotter, 
Please excuse Juan (Jim) from the Church of  Grace and Peace.
He needs to have a  meeting with Father Gary. 


(signed) Epstein's Mother"

By the Way it Was Raining

There are 4 icons that contain Saint Peter in the Orthodox Christian Church of the Annunciation in Brick, N.J. that I have been attending . Since the first service that I attended back on April 14th of this year I have been carefully observing the icons throughout the church. The 4 icons that I make mention of show the following in regards to Saint Peter. The first is that of Saint Peter and Saint Paul holding between them a church building. The message contain is rather obvious, however in this icon, Saint Peter is shown with his right arm passing through his robe. Part of the material of his robe is draped around his neck and hangs down to about the height of his stomach with his arm passing through, giving the appearance somewhat of his arm "in a sling." Hmm... unusual ? Don't know. But wait there is more.
The second icon is of the Ascension of Our Lord, and there is Saint Peter again, with his arm in the same position, passing through his robe in the aforementioned "sling" manner. The 3rd icon that contains Saint Peter, is a Pentecost Icon, Saint Peter again arm through the robe, and he is shown the same way in the 4th icon which is of the Lord's Supper. The icon pictured above is in appearance close (if not the same) to the Pentecost Icon in the church that I mentioned, a close examination shows Saint Peter (top left center) as I have mentioned.

Does anyone know the significance of his arm in this position?

Nothing like starting a blog with a question now is there!

What a week, last week was!

My week started off with attending Vesper's on Saturday night 5/19 (that is when the Orthodox week starts, is it not?) Followed by attending Divine Liturgy on Sunday. I also attended the Agape Coffee Hour and got to meet some of the church family. A great time of fellowship and sharing. On Tuesday my lovely and talented wife Judy treated me to dinner in celebration of my Birthday (58th, but I don't look a day past 55!) at a Colombian and Mexican Restaurant that is a favorite of ours. Wednesday brought about Vespers with Litya ( a first for me, Feast of the Ascension ). Thursday Divine Liturgy (Feast of the Ascension) again followed by an Agape Coffee Hour, my buddy Jim V. attended the Divine Liturgy, but could not stay for the Coffee Hour, you can read his story about the day here at : http://orthodoxyorbust.blogspot.com/
Plus you can see a pic of my much mentioned motorcycle, that alone is worth a look at his blog! LOL!!
Friday I spent the afternoon working on my friend Bob's motorcycle, putting it back together, and making some upgrades. Bob had a bad accident which caused some front end damage, he was unhurt, which is the important thing. A motorcycle is only a thing. (Can't believe I just said that, my how I have grown!)
Saturday, Vespers again followed by Divine Liturgy and Agape Coffee hour on Sunday.

I have been blessed to have been engaged at church in several conversation with Reader John along with his wife the legendary Tammy. (she hates when I call her that, perhaps someday I'll stop.) Reader John showed me his copy of " The Bible and the Holy Fathers for Orthodox ".  The following summary about the book I copied from a web site: " Based on the sequence of daily scriptural readings (NKJV) from the liturgical calendar of the Orthodox Christian Church, The Bible and the Holy Fathers for Orthodox: Daily Scripture Readings and Commentary for Orthodox Christians includes comments from the church fathers on each Epistle and Gospel passage. There also are many sections of the Old Testament to support the church lectionary for major feast days, Great Lent, and Holy Week. Additionally, writings from contemporary Orthodox theologians and scholars are included."  I have added to this to my list and expect to purchase it soon. I was really impressed by it.
Reader John also asked me if I ever listened to the podcasts "Postcards from Greece" by Fr. Peter Alban Heers on Ancient Faith Radio : ( http://ancientfaith.com/podcasts/postcards ) I told him that, though I have been listening to AFR for a while now, I have not listened to "Postcards from Greece".  He suggested that  I listen to the podcast titled : "Sunday of the Healing of the Blind Man". I  listened to it and I am so glad I did, what a wonderful message! ( I am now a fan of Postcards from Greece!) By the way Ancient Faith Radio on the web is at the top of my daily "Things to Do List ", just absolutely wonderful messages and devotions and has helped me quite a bit to understand Orthodoxy.

" Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.  " - John 14: 27 

Hey! I almost forgot! I met the "Harley Lady's" husband this Sunday! He yelled across the parking lot as I pulled in on the bike, " Is that your Harley? " I replied, " It better be or I am in trouble!"
We talked a bit, he liked the bike and since I was wearing a Harley Rain Suit, Harley boots, Harley helmet and Harley gloves, I guess he was glad he still owned stock in Harley Davidson!

I got a chance to talk to him at the end of the Coffee Hour also, it was then that I noticed he was wearing a necktie that had a "Boston Red Sox" logo on it (the infamous letter "B"). As a Christian (and a NY Yankees fan), I took it as a test of my spiritual walk : Matthew 5: 43 - 48 ( by the way it was raining!)

Watch the Birdie and Smile

Sometimes it is just down right difficult to deal with.. Its annoying, frustrating and always causes me to shut my eyes, shake my head and wonder why? Then when I am over it, I begin to try and analyze it, I think why does this happen?  But, then I realize that the act of analyzing it is nothing more that just another form of it, and it causes more head shaking,  along with me twisting my foot on the floor, much in the same manner as trying to put out a cigarette (Praise to the Lord, I don't smoke) and deep sighing, a lot of deep sighing.

Let me explain.

For years and years I have been dealing with an issue about myself, or more accurately " within myself  ."
The issue is simple, the issue is:  "Myself."  Now, I would like to explain this explaining about me trying to handle this issue.
First of all, I don't believe that this is an issue of things like, "me first", or being "selfish", or "not willing to help  out others," "being stingy," or "not caring about others" and things along this line. But, then again who knows?  What I am concerned about here, is the "DISTRACTION"  that takes place during my prayer time. Yes! During my time talking to God, I have this tendency to let my brain wander off into thoughts about myself.  Here I am in the act of prayer and I begin to think about;  well you name it. It could be about breakfast, fishing, friends, music just about anything, and it is frustrating. There have even been times that I have gone on one of these "brain safaris'" during worship! ( Deep sigh ).

When it happens, whether I am in prayer or attending worship, I try to stop cold in my tracks, make my best effort to shut out all that is around me, I then begin to change my prayer to asking the Holy Spirit to help me, to FOCUS on what is right and proper at this moment, to lead me into a holy time of prayer. It works! I always come out of  it, but, I am bothered by the time of duration it sometimes takes and just the fact that it does happen!  I try real hard to "take myself out of the picture, and not look at the birdie and smile," I don't need to see a picture of me. This needs to stop !!!!!
When am I going to get a handle on this distraction to prayer and worship?

Well,  guess what?
No, I insist, take a guess. C'mon.

I have gotten over it,  Yeah, I'm not kidding. Oh, I know there are still "battles to be fought" with this issue. But, the "ticket office" for the "brain safaris" has closed up shop!

In fact it closed up about 2 or 3 weeks ago in regards to worship and it closed up Saturday night in regards to being distracted during prayer.

How?
The prayer answer: a prayer rope.
The  worship answer:  Icons

Icons first :
I have noticed that since I started attending this Orthodox church, I can draw strength from the presence of the Holy Icons about me. Now to some of you who don't attend an Orthodox church, you might find this strange, sorry, but I don't have an explanation, nor, am I seeking one. It just takes place.
I first noticed it during the Sunday of the Myrrh-bearing Women, when the Gospel account of these women was read in the Liturgy, I noticed that the church had an icon of this event on one of the side walls. My eyes went immediately right over to it, and I felt an experience, a true heavenly comfort, as my insides rejoiced, it was, as if, I was hearing about this for the first time ever. How beautiful. How powerful. How thankful I am.
Since that time I have been able to worship in church at a level I never knew before. The icons help me.
No longer do I see a "picture of me" rather I am led to Christ through the icons. Alleluia!

Prayer:
At Vespers on Saturday night, Fr Ken was in the narthex greeting people. I went over to him  and mentioned how I have missed seeing him for the last 2 weeks at Vespers. He explained about how he is busy at his parish now, but that he will try to be here when possible. Fr. Ken then said he had something for me. He handed me a prayer rope. "I gave one to the other Jim, and I want to give you one to help you on your journey." he said. I felt truly blessed, and was almost at a loss for words ( a rarity ) by this beautiful gift. I thanked him, but I don't think he realized how much he blessed me. I didn't want to get real mushy right then, so I placed the prayer rope into my shirt pocket. Father Ken, thank you again, bless you. I remember Jim V. posting about Fr. Ken giving him a prayer and as soon as I got home, I sought out all the info I could find about prayer ropes, how to use them, prayers, history of the ropes, etc.
That night I read the evening prayers that are in the back of my Orthodox Study Bible, I prayed about the things going on in my life and in intercession for others, then I took hold of the prayer rope and prayed the Jesus Prayer at every knot on the rope. Whoa! I was consumed! No distractions, clear purpose of thought.
The prayer rope is now fulfilling its purpose and design in my prayer time. What a true gift!!
It has helped me to stay focused on and in my prayers even when I am not using it to count prayers. I just hold it in my left hand and pray, whether the prayers are from a prayer book or not.

I am aware that there might come a time down the road, when all these "new things" will become commonplace and I might lose some of the impact that they are now making on me. I will try to stay on guard against.

Someday, perhaps?

But not today!

How to Live Orthodox?

Perhaps I'm getting too far ahead of myself, then again maybe I'm not. I believe that in my heart and in my mind I am ready to become a member of the Eastern Orthodox Church.  In regards to Doctrines, Liturgical worship, Authority of the Church, and the whole kit and kaboodle (that I am aware of), in these matters I feel very at ease and find myself in total agreement. The experiences I have been having at church during Divine Liturgy and Vespers, remind me of my early "born again" days, those days when all of  a sudden, the sky seemed blue-er and the birdies sang sweeter. So now I am at the point where my focus is turning to: "Living as an Orthodox Christian."  Yes, I am aware that I am not a member of the Orthodox Church, YET.

But before I continue, I must share a "Orthodox Church - Motorcycle Story"

The setting is this past Sunday ( 5/13), I pull into the church parking lot, the time is about 9:30 a.m., the Liturgy starts at 10 a.m. (by my standards I am late, lol!). I always try to park my bike facing forward, because it takes the problem of pushing the 900 lb. cycle in reverse away from my stubby legs. So I swing across two spots and  steer the machine into the center of a parking spot. Hit the kill switch, kick the kick stand down, turn the bars to the left and turn the locking switch to lock. Hop off, place helmet, sunglasses and jacket in the tour pack compartment, close the latch. Take a quick look in the right side mirror to make sure I don't have any bugs in my teeth or stuck to my face, straighten my shirt and tie and proceed to walk towards the entrance of the church when........

"Hey! is that a harley?"   A voice shouts out!

"Uh, yes,  yes it is "  I reply in a somewhat surprised voice.

"WHOOOOO-WHEEEEEEEE!"  "I like Harleys!" says the voice in an even louder than before shout.

"I have stock in Harley", the shouter informs me.  "Really? that's awesome" I acknowledge.

The voice continues, "That one you have there is a beauty, too!"   " Well, thank you, that's very nice to say!" I reply, as I reach for the door handle to the front door of the church, hoping against hope, that the next words to come from the recipient of a Harley Davidson dividend check, do not include the words : "How about a ride?"  I really do not like riding 2 up. But, no other words are shouted as I open the church door.

The "Shouter" by the way is a woman, that I would guess is somewhere on the "other-side of 75 years old, but not quite a hundred " She has a smile and a glow about her that would melt the heart of Ebeneezer Scrooge 2 days prior to his famous night-time excursion on Christmas. A blessed saint and wonderful sight to see on Mother's Day or any other day. I going to make it point to get to know her, she's my kind of girl.

The front door closes behind me.
I feel a big smile spread across my face.    
Glad I checked for bugs before.

Alright, back to living Orthodox. My disciplines are as follows:
Prayer, reading the daily Scriptures that are listed in the Lectionary contained in the Orthodox Study Bible for the present day. Reading and meditating on my own personal Bible study and continuing in my general study about the Church Fathers, Saints and overall church history as well as listening to various podcasts on Ancient Faith Radio and  reading Orthodox Church articles on the web and elsewhere. Attending Saturday Vespers and Divine Liturgy on Sunday. I also plan to attend any "mid-week" services as they appear. I attended Vespers for Midfeast of Pentecost, and the Divine Liturgy for Midfeast of Pentecost. My other plan of action is to create a "Prayer Corner" in my den at home,  as I feel a strong need for such and plan to ask Father Gary to "bless the icons" that I will have in the corner.

So, I would like to ask, "Is there anything else, that I may want to do?"

Also, does anyone have a "menu" for fasting on Weds. and Friday. What foods do you like on such days?

Please, keep in mind that I am aware that this is not all about "reading and being educated through books, podcasts etc.", I am also going to make it a point to meet and get to know my church family. I have been blessed already with meeting about a dozen or so and everyone of them have been absolutely gracious and friendly (especially my Harley girl!)  I feel that I am allowing the Holy Spirit to guide me and counsel me. But, since I have this blog, I thought I might as well ask. I have also spoke with Fr. Gary and I will be meeting with him in the coming days to discuss like matters.

Oh yeah, I'm excited.  God Bless.

Holy Sunshine On My Soul, My 1st Divine Liturgy

Gray skies in the natural, heavenly blue skies in the spiritual. That is how my day began yesterday Sunday May 6th. The skies at the New Jersey shore were advertising rain with its' thick gray cover, but I don't believe that any "perfect storm" would have been able to keep me away from attending my first Orthodox Divine Liturgy.

There were a couple of elements at play here.

First, there is personal history. Almost 21 years ago to the day, (in fact only a day short of) on May 7th, 1991 I attended a "Revival Service", at The Church of the Nazarene in Toms River, N.J., my first such, in fact up until a few days before that I had never even been to a service at a Protestant Church. That night I had what is called my "born again" experience. Well, now 21 years later, I have had my "Welcome Home" experience. In our American culture the law of the land says for the most part, that a person is not considered to be an adult in "all things" until they reach the age of 21.  Well, "Happy Birthday to me!"
So at the ripe old "spiritual age" (if you would allow me to use that parlance)  (come to think of it, "phrase" is probably the correct term, but I just never seem to get to use the word "parlance" enough, so I am going for it here) of 21, I have come home to where all of us (mankind) were intended to be, the Holy Orthodox Church. Amen!

As noted in my last post, I for the most part travel by motorcycle, however, there are times when the weather conditions can cause this method of travel to be, shall we say a bit "uncomfortable". Heavy rain being such.
Since my wife is not accompanying me (yet! :>) ) and is continuing to attend church where we "both used" to go, she needs the car, as she does not ride motorcycles. This makes weather watching something of an "Olympic Sport" in the Martin household. If I must go somewhere and the motorcycle is the only option, I make the best of it, and go, I ride all winter long. And, yes, its' cold and at times wet, so be it!

So a heavy gray sky, is actually, not scary enough to keep me away from stuff, especially my first Divine Liturgy.

I arrived early (no kidding!) at about 9: 40 a.m., and after the veneration of icons, I took a seat behind some folks that Fr. Gary was speaking to, I just assumed it was the Adult Class that I have seen listed on the church website and I listened quietly. There was some interaction and it seemed pretty good. Within a few moments Fr. Gary prayed and left us, and the service began some minutes later.

Taking a cue from Jim V. at  the Vespers Service the night before, I had earlier picked up a copy of the "Divine Liturgy Service" from the counter in the Narthex. It was a big help. The service was wonderful!
I felt I had entered into a state of holy worship that I just never really experienced before, even though there were times that I had to refer to the service book, I was never was "pulled" away from being involved in worship. There were times when hymns were being sung and the words were not in the book and they were unknown, still, that did not make a difference, I just closed my eyes at times and spoke to God silently, what a blessing! Everything that took place in the service in regards to what the clergy did I was able to understand and follow, again thanks to the service book. I found that I only had to glance occasionally at the book and never did I have to "bury" my head in it. I think my reading of the book "Let Us Attend, A Journey through the Orthodox Divine Liturgy" really paid off, so glad I read it. This week I am re-reading it and connecting what I felt, saw and heard at the service, to help increase my understanding.

Okay, so now here are some things I have questions on. There were 2 tables placed during the service up front on each side of the room. Upon these tables were placed communion trays that contained pieces of bread (I assume this is the Friendship bread?) and what I know as communion cups with what appeared to be wine in them. During the Reception of Holy Communion, some people after they have received would go over to these trays and eat some bread and take a drink from one of the cups. A woman came to me and offered me a piece of bread, since I of course did not go up to receive and stayed at my seat. I took it and thanked her. I had noticed that some others who did not go up to receive were also given bread by other people. These other folks ate their bread piece right away, so I did the same. NOW another woman came to me with another piece of bread and I was unsure if it was okay to "double up" on the bread so I said, that I had already had some and she smiled, I smiled back and off she went, I did not turn around to see if she was still smiling, as I was hoping that I did not offend her. Then, I noticed that a gentleman in front of me who been given bread previously (he was one of the folks who did not go up to receive) by someone also, accepted another piece of bread. Just, then an elderly gentleman offered me a piece (this would be my second) and seeing that the guy in front of me had 2, I accepted the second piece. So now, I held on to this piece and I decided to make it visible (without trying to make it look so ) in my hand to any other folks who come my way offering bread and thus keep me from doing something that my offend someone. I truly want to be blessed, as well as be, a blessing to this my new family (though I guess we are all already family, since God is our Father, are we not?) but I am afraid of doing the wrong thing at times. So, there I am, standing there, clutching onto my second piece of bread and watching people passing by the tray of bread and cups. Finally the last person goes past, does not pick up a piece of bread from the tray, taking that as my cue that all is clear, I eat the bread that I was holding on to.

Can someone explain all this?  My thoughts are that this is a sign of "hospitality" is this right? If I don't accept bread, am I offending the giver?

After I had left the church building and was putting my motorcycle helmet on in the parking lot, 2 women, approached me, and reminded me, that there was coffee in the building next to the church. I thanked them but said that I wanted to get going in case the weather got bad. They said, "Next week then!" I said, "Absolutely!"

In a way, I am glad that I did not stay, I just needed to go home and "process" this wonderful feeling that I felt inside of  me. No gray skies here , just a feeling of  "Holy Sunshine On My Soul", Thank you Lord.

Orthodoxy and the P90X

The older I get (sigh!) the more I have learned to take God's word literally. Take for instance, the following passage:
"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."  - Philippians 2: 12-13

Now I know what some of you must be thinking due to the title of this post and the emphasis added to the words "work out". You're thinking, " Oh!, I bet he is going to talk about how the Orthodox do a lot of standing, bowing, lying down, etc."  "EHNNT!" (loud buzzer sound for wrong answer).  No, that's not what I mean. (especially since I have not experienced the lying down part, this is done sometime, is it not?)
No, lately my life has taken on the experience that is described in that "Golden Oldie" from 1961 by Bobby Lewis : " Tossin" and Turnin' "

" I couldn't sleep at all last night!  
Got to thinkin' of you.
Baby things weren't right, 
Well I was tossin' and turnin'
Turnin' and tossin'
a-tossin' and  turnin' all night!"


Whoa! Talk about getting a work out! P90X you ain't got nothing! Whew!

You see here is what's going on inside my sparse grey matter. I read quite a bit. I have searched out oodles of stuff about Orthodoxy on the web. Add to all of that, the books that I have read or I am in the processing of reading concerning the Orthodox Church. My list so far:
"The Orthodox Church"  by (Ware)
"Becoming Orthodox" (Gillquist)
"Let Us Attend" (Farley)
"From Darkness to Light" (Field)
" The Apostolic Fathers" (Sparks)
"Praying With The Orthodox Tradition" (Ware-Parenti-Clifford)
I have even skimmed through, "The Philokalia" (sorry Fr. Gary, but I couldn't resist! But, I have not totally read it so that should count for some sort of obedience, shouldn't it?)
PLUS, I have delved into the "Orthodox Study Bible".
Now, combine all this printed matter with "Podcasts" on Ancient Faith Radio, and let me tell you, I am one excited dude who just can't seem to get enough about the "TRUE CHURCH" that I have now discovered.

"I kicked the blankets on the floor!
Turned my pillow upside down.
I never never did before.
Cause I was tossin' and turnin'
Turnin' and tossin' 
a-tossin' and turnin' all night!"


Like most folks I like to read at night in bed. So I open up, flip pages and lose myself in the author's words.
Questions get answered, questions get raised and bookmarks get placed. Prayers are said, lights go off.

Then...........

"Jumped out of bed!
Turned on the light.
I pulled down the shade,
Went to the kitchen for a bite! (actually, at this part I open up a book)
Rolled up the shade, (I never touch the shades, but it is in the song, so I think it works)
Turned off the light, (This I do!)
I jumped back into bed,
It was the middle of the night!"


Now, my thoughts are NOT about, " I am doing the right thing, you know, considering leaving my present church to become an Orthodox Church Christian type person. Not at all! What I am doing here is trying to take in all I can via the written word. Hunger, hunger, hunger.

I also realize that reading can only take me to certain places and that the true experience lies in the actual experience, and so far the actual has been fantastic!

Saturday past I attended only my 3rd Vespers Service, but already I feel the worship and prayers taking up residence in me and then being past onto Heaven, (talk about being filled!) I have had absolutely no problem (coming from an Evangelical background) with bowing, making the Sign of the Cross and kissing the icons. Or, understanding the doctrine, I find myself amazed and humbled by it all. Thank you, O Lord our God.

Some things I have noticed at Vespers and questions about veneration. There are various icons about the Nave that the people go up to. Not talking about what is on the Iconostasis, but about the other areas of the Nave. Some people go to all of them and some people only go to a select few, I wonder why? Also, on one of the side walls of the Nave there is a carved wooden cross and some folks go that also, I haven't yet gone to it mainly because I am not sure if it's okay, but it must be, since some folks do.
Also I am so "amazed" ( seems like my favorite word about this journey) about how prayers are said in the "plural". The use of  we, our, us etc., so beautiful to do and I understand the reason why. One other thing, I am starting to "catch on" to the singing during Vespers and I find that I am able to get about every third word right! LOL! Sometimes I just slide along with the musical tones and offer up a " Hymn of Hummm..." you know, right now, that works for me and I look forward to knowing all the words. What a blessing!
Guess, my buddy Jim can help me out here, but I do appreciate and desire all comments, so please feel free to make them!

While I am on the subject of comments, I cannot express to all of you who are reading and/or posting comments here on this blog, how much I truly appreciate hearing from each one of you, you are all a giant blessing to me! Thank-you all!

I am looking forward to attending my first Divine Liturgy very soon. So far I have been fortunate to been able to use my wife's car to go to Vespers (she is a nurse and works a lot Saturday nights) but, that will change when it comes to attending on Sunday morning, I will be riding in on my Harley, talk about a work-out! Oh, Baby!!!!

What's In a Word? (On Two Wheels part 2)

I have always been fascinated by words. Within me lies a deep interest in "Etymology" . Etymology is the study of the history of words, their origins, and how their form and meaning have changed over time. For example, lets' take the word : "Awful", In the times we now live in, the word awful is used to describe: extremely bad or unpleasant, ugly and so forth. However, when we look at the word with an eye towards its origin we see that the word was formed from the simple connecting of "Awe and Full, meaning : "Filled with Awe!" = awe-filled or "awful", get it? Big difference, eh?


So here I am talking with Jim in the parking lot about what I am seeing and feeling on this journey into Orthodoxy. " The other day, in fact just yesterday," I said, "I was re-reading "Becoming Orthodox" the book by Gillquist, and something LEAPED off the page to me. It was in the back of the book in the new chapter he added about the passing of 25 years, his update on it, it is here, where he writes about  "Learning to Be Orthodox" in particular the spiritual depth of Orthodox Christianity." I told Jim. (These were maybe not the exact words I spoke, but they are pretty close so I have no problem using the quotation marks, bear with me, please)


I paraphrased something from the book to Jim.


"Jim", I said. " Fr. Peter Gillquist, uses the word, " FULLNESS ! " " FULLNESS  Dude!! " FULLNESS! "


"THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT !!! "  I exclaimed!  Jim smiled and nodded in agreement.


Let me give you, dear reader, the full quote from the book Fr. Peter Gillquist writes:


" I embraced liturgical and sacramental worship not for its exhilaration or ecstasy, but because it was right. It is as though I have come home to worship.
       The reality of this worship has for us opened the door to a fullness of salvation we did not know existed." (emphasis mine)


That's it! That's what I now know was missing! To "fill" that space in me, requires me to become full, (duh!)
And it is by "coming home" to the true Church and faith, which I now see as Orthodoxy, that I will become full. I have held somewhere inside my cranium that one of the definitions of "salvation" was "to become whole". To become that creature that God created me to be. Adam before the fruit snack.


So it is not surprising to me to see that the next line that Fr. Gillquist writes after what I quoted above is:
" It has brought about a sense of  wholeness  for our people we did not have before." (emphasis mine)


"Wholeness!" Maybe there is something okay lurking inside my noggin, after all!


"Two simple words"  answer my " Simple Question Attached"  There is a lot in a word, even 2 of them.


Q.)Why do I have Emptiness ?
A.) Not filled, need to get filled and become whole.


Q.) Why the Orthodox Church ?
A.) Its the "Filling Station"

"Fullness and Wholeness",  yes! yes! yes!


I now feel like the 21 years I lived as a "Protestant, Nazarene, Evangelical, Not Comfortable Attending a Charismatic Church Type Person" has been like pedaling the "Bicycle of Faith" with training wheels attached, rocking from side to side trying to find the sweet spot of balance so I won't fall over!


I now see that all I needed to do, was to take the training wheels off and receive the fullness to become whole!


I'm riding now on 2 wheels! Heading, smack into Orthodoxy.
I may not be on the main highway yet, but, I am certainly on the entrance ramp!


Stay tuned!